live – astros at cubs. game 88.

top 1st huge loser craig biggio flies to soriano to start the game. they are showing replay of his 3000th hit, like anyone cares. 3-0 now to hunter pence. if zambrano cant throw fucking strikes i want him off this team. i will not watch him walk six guys again and lose. and henter pence strikes out swinging. so there. 2-0 on lance berkman… hello?! quit falling behind, didnt you hear me! and there is the first walk of the game. FUCK! i HATE walks. thankfully carlos lee loves to strike out and does with a nice big wiiffff.

top 2nd jacque jones makes a catch in Cf for the first out. you may have noticed i listed him under “terrible” in the previous post. we’ll keep an eye on him today. mike lamb (yes he starts for the astros) strikes out looking on a full count. nice effort mike. luke scott is up (10 HR .220ish BA) there is one thing worse than watching zambrano throw balls: being an astros fan. strike out on a check swing. ok i take back what i might have said earlier. 2 of 3 against this team will not cut it, the cubs need to sweep.

bottom 2nd jones reaches on a bad throw by mark loretta. soto’s first AB now… jason jennings LOVES to throw to first. soto strikes out looking. pretty weaksauce. the cubs offense is welcome to show up to wrigley at any time.

bottom 3rd soriano strikes out for the second time. migue needs to get his ass out of wrigley and quit sending sori bad K vibes. no one benefits from his negative attitude. oh the camera just showed him sitting behind the plate on the cubs dugout side! the fat kid with the bowl cut, right? good times. aaaand theriot with his second hit of the day. lets see if derrek lee decides to stop sucking now? theriot steals 2nd, that was easy. throw and tag were right on, too.

thanks for becoming complete crap with RISP. ok here we go, nm. nope choppy again. derrek lee walks, the only thing he can do nowadays. someone should tell him theriot was already on 2nd. just kidding, way to not swing at shit pitches, man i am hilarious. ramirez turn. and he pops out. and children are starving in africa and contracting AIDS by the second.

top 4th double play cuz henter pence cant run the bases yet and started running on the line drive right to derosa. since its harder to run bases in the major leagues and stuff. zambrano thinks its funny. inning over in about 30 seconds after carlos lee does nothing productive. can the cubs score a damn run please?

bottom 4th floyd with a base hit, i like it. i do. my boy deRo takes ball one in addition to ball two. and derosa rips a single! i like that more. floyd actually makes it to third. expect to see angel pagan in a few innings. jacque jones with a sac fly! yes that is exciting because i thought he only knew how to hit it on the ground or strike out. a play at the plate was not attempted due to floyds superhero speed. instead they tried derosa at second to no avail. if you look at suck balls in the dictionary you find the houston astros. yes i just made that joke up.

just kidding its not a joke. soto hit a shapr grounder to third, the idiot throws it over berkman’s head at first. derosa runs to third, berkman thinks “fuck you i can throw it higher!” and throws over the third basemans head trying to catch derosa off the bag somehow. derosa scores easily 2-0 cubs. soto makes it to THIRD BASE. and zambrano lines it into left. 3-0 cubs. how does it feel to suck balls, houston?

ok seriously migue, enough with the soriano strike outs. and theriot pops out and thats that.

bottom 6th i’m back from lunch. almost nothing has changed in this game. lee is up right now with runner at 2nd and 3rd, 2 out. migue quit cursing soriano and he hit a double. the astros are still terrible but jason jennings is out of the game. i would LOVE for d-lee to get a hit… he ran the count to 3-1 and they threw him an intentional ball four. way to give up, astros and pitch to aramis who is .347 career with bases loaded. 3-1 now to ramirez. maybe they should walk him? but, no, floyd is a lefty. thats not playing the percentages… ah they walk him anyway. unintentionally. i think. it almost hit him. 4-0 cubs.

now whats cliff batting for career with bases loaded you ask? Answer: .216, the astros strategy is impeccable. see? floyd just flew out to center and they only had to give up one run!

top 7th zambrano strikes out berkman, children in australia go rejoice and go sledding. carlos lee gets a hit, and the next guy walks. fucking lame. will ohman, who took the all-star break to grow a sharp looking beard is warming up. piniella visits the mound and zambrano uses jedi mind trick to keep the ball. piniella walks back to dugout. mike lamb flies out. 2 out. jim belushi laughs it up with len and bob in the booth, almost enough to make me not want to be a cubs fan.

another full count. and another walk. zambrano hops up in distress. piniella comes back to the mound and has trouble calling in his right hander. its going to be marmol for some reason. HELLO, can you use marmol as a closer and bring in wuertz who has stranded EVERY runner he has inherited this season? anyway marmol obviously retires eric munson and the inning is over. however, we still have two innings to play and bob howry is not a good closer. just so you know.

bottom 7th we were just subjected to reply of hilarious jim belushi throwing out the first pitch. my bet: migue laughed his ass off seeing his somersault live. the astros throw the ball past the first baseman again trying to retire soto. wow they suck. its ok marmol grounded out. good strategy again by the ‘stros.

top 8th aaand marmol strikes out orlando palmeiro. one down. cake. then biggio and pence both ground out. marmol: 1.1 IP, 14 pitches, 9 strikes, 4 batters faced.

bottom 8th sori leads off with hit into right. why? because he is awesome. they pitch out on the second pitch because they are dumb and soriano is obviously not running. baaaalll 3… walk. on the 5th pitch. i would make fun of the astros more but i’m actually starting to feel like i’m kicking a dead baby at this point. wild pitch… yikes. dont worry houston, howry is warming up in the bullpen, you will have a fighting chance to come back.

any chance lee gets a hit here? you bet. 2-run double, 6-0 cubs. i really like to see that. derrek lee can hit 6 HR all year as long as he keeps hit doubles like he used to. thats his 27th. by the way, there are still no outs in the inning. oops, spoke to soon. aramis cant be the hero every game. they are intentionally walking floyd. there is that brilliance from the dugout again. derosa grounded to mark loretta and he couldnt pick up the ball. wow how has this team ever won a game? and that… is error number 4. i will be embarrassed if the cubs dont sweep.

top 9th so bob howry now with a comfortable 6-0 lead facing mark loretta after a carlos lee single with 1 out. and there is single number 2. 1st and 2nd. still 1 out. how about you just close out the fucking game, you idiot? for christs sake! mike lamb flies out, 2 out. and a luke scott strikeout. way to make us sweat a bit howry.

alright thats it for me until next monday probably as i’ll be leaving the country. i expect the cubs to win most to all of their games in the meantime. i will be at wrigley next saturday against the d-backs. i will not be live blogging but i will be yelling.


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