Live Blog: Sucky Homerun Derby

Willie McCovey was wheelchaired out and he actually gave bats to the participants, a scene that reminded me of nothing, because it was pathetic.

Kenny Mayne, who actually isnt that bad for an ESPN guy, is out in the water with helmet cam, a scene that reminded me of nothing, because it was pathetic.

Dusty Baker has a suit that he stole from my grandfather

Joe Morgan actually said that he is always at home in San Francisco. Does this mean he is gay?

Joe Morgan picks Ryan Howard to win the derby because he wasnt selected to the team. Makes sense.

The token Hot Blonde asked Ryan Howard on his decision to be the token loser by showing up to the all star game without being chosen.

Ah, Peter Gammons, crazy black glasses. The guy almost died last year, no jokes on my part.

1st up, 2006 MVP* runner up Justin Morneau. Joe Mogan talks about his hockey background….gay

*(note, Justin Morneau actually won the MVP, but it should have gone to Jeter)

Chris “I hate myself” Berman just said his 1st “back back back back gone” of the day. Followed by his always clever “fouuuuuuuuuuuul” call. I cant believe has a foul call. Pathetic

Chris “I have no life” Berman tells us that Justin Morneau wears number 33 because Patrick Roy (pronounced Raww), Thanks Berman! What a great fact….loser

Johan Santana and David Ortiz give the whitest guy (morneau) at the game a “homeboy” hug. Awkward

Next Up: Matt Holliday….who?

Commercial Blog: State Farm just prostituted african americans, hank aaron and the homerun record.

After Chris “I rather live genocide in darfur than listen to him” Berman said it might a National Holliday after Matt Holliday hit a homerun and after Barry Bonds lied about everything that Peter Gammons asked him. I changed the channel thus proving that the homerun derby sucks ass.

Alright, im back….in the past 2 hours i have had dinner, have solved the problem in iraq, read war and peace, took a trip on the new boeing dreamliner from new york to cochabomba, bolivia, and back, turned on the TV and the Derby is still going.

Its not even in the final.

Vlad Guerrero just did something because chris “im a glass sorter” berman just had a heart attack.

In the finals so far is Alex Rios. Yes, when i think about homeruns i think Alex Rios.

Peter Gammons interviews Willie McCovey: “I thought I was strong, but these guys are really strong” In my hearts of hearts, i hope willie was talking about Alex Rios.

Joe Morgan doesnt know his mike is on. Berman just asked him a question and he didn’t flinch. Dead Air, much like Joe Morgan’s inner soul: Dead Air.

Where is Dusty Baker’s child?

Pujols up at Bat

Joe Morgan claims that Fatigue is setting in….ok. Baba ORielly by the who is playing in the background as Pujols does nothing

Question: Why do fans pay money to come see this?

Dusty Baker just said that his son wanted to be in the outfield during the hrd and he said no. In my heart of hearts dusty baker reads migames during the telecast, thus answering my question i rhetroically posed.

Question: Why does Tony LaRussa dye his hair?

Pujols still batting…and he comes up short. As his dominican entourage greets him.

Vlad and Alex “Babe” Rios in the finals….wow, i think i just saw Sandy Alomar Jr., whats he doing here?

Finals

Steve Philips is the reason i believe in hell

Chris “im retarded” berman just mentioned the 2000 elections and hanging chads, Joe Morgan laughed. He is the only human who would laugh at that joke 7 years after the fact. Dusty Baker follows up with a Challanger joke.

ESPN deportes is interviewing Vlad as Alex “Boom Boom” Rios has 2 homeruns so far. Usher’s “Yeah” is being played as Alex Rios almost hits Kevin Mitchel with a foul ball and we the viewer are pegged with a dusty baker foul ball as he gives us the 1st Candy Maldonado reference of the nite.

Rios ends his domiance with 2 homeruns in the final… Here comes Vlad. 2 homeruns a HUGE amount to overcome. ESPN runs an ad for the Bronx is burning. Did Billy Martin have bigger ears than topoyiyo?

Vlad hits his second homerun to tie Rios, but his dominican entourage stormed the plate thinking he won, but he still needs one more. Did they jinx it?
He finally hit and the Dominican Republic goes crazy, they are all on the field for some reason. Where is Tony Fernandez?

Vlad wins the Derby.

FUCK, ESPN airs the commercial where State Farms prostitutes african americans, hank aaron and mothers around this nation.

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One response

  1. we both know that Chris Berman sits around his overpriced condo every night by himself dreaming up middle names for every player he has ever heard of. I just think it was would a lot less disgusting if he stopped masturbating while he did it.

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